Forgiveness (April 29, 2010)

I wrote this awhile back on Facebook, and felt the need to post it on here. It is something that I had been feeling with the loss of my Nephew. I titled it forgiveness.

(April 29, 2010)


Forgive-to pardon, to waive any negative feeling or desire for punishment; To accord forgiveness.

It's very easy to be consumed by hate. After I lost my 16 year old nephew one day shy of his 17th birthday, I succumbed to hating the boy responsible for driving the vehicle. He had been reckless, and my nephew was the only one who had paid for this recklessness. He did not. My Pastor had told me to keep the faith the day I found out about his death. However, I did the opposite of her advise. I lost control of who I was in Jesus. I had dropped my armor of protection and had given the devil wiggle room in my life. A wiggle room, sometimes, is all he needs to wreak havoc in one's life. That's all it took for him to do this to me.

Instead of pressing on, I repressed my emotions. I believed that I was free from the anger, hate, sadness, and guilt that I had in me. Instead, the only thing I was doing was burying these emotions. I was not releasing them, but simply covering them up for another day. Repressing feelings do not help. It did not help me. All it did was grant me another day without feeling these feelings. It did not release me.

Matthew 11:26-35 (King James Version)

28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I had failed to give these issues to Jesus. Instead, I decided to shoulder them myself, which made things bad.

These feelings resurfaced as I listened to Manuela read me the letter he emailed to her. It was disgusting. I won't delve into it. It was bad though. It irritated me. I found myself angry and wishing horrible things on him, which is not Christ-like. Ephesians 4:32 states, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Luke 6:28 states, "Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you." No matter how horrible this incident was, I have no right hating, or lacking forgiveness. I have to forgive and be prayerful for this person. I am instructed to be "tenderhearted" towards this person. Instead, I went the opposite. It has been consuming, but the Lord help me out. He rescued me from this bitterness and showed me how I had completely put His wants and instructions out of me by one incident that occurred on a Sunday. I had been driving down the road and had completely began to daydream. This dream caused me to lose my focus on the road. I had swerved into the left lane. God got my attention just in time to see the white truck ahead of me. I quickly swerved back into the right lane. This incident let me know how far I had strayed from God.

Had I died that day, I would not have made it to Heaven. I had completely ignored God's call for me and His Word. I went with what I had wanted. Without salvation, I have nothing. Without Jesus, I have nothing. These feelings set me back, and I went on the offense afterwards. I had to put the armor back on.

Ephesians 6:10 instructs us to "be strong in the Lord." Ephesians 6:11 states "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil." Wiles=tricks. Yes, the devil tries to play with your mind. That's important to keep the armor on, which I did not. (Ephesians 6:14-18 covers the armor we need). I had completely thrown it away and had been distracted from my job as a Christian.

I have quickly, by the grace of God, have come to the conclusion that I need to rededicate my life to the Lord. I have to do His will and not mine. His is to love others, bless those that curse us, and to forgive them-not to hold on to resent. So Nick, I forgive you. I will pray for you. You need salvation-not prison. I will not support nor condone sending you to prison. I have let go of my animosity and my anger.

My sadness for Mane Man is there a little bit. I finally erased him from my contacts list in my cell phone. It was the hardest thing I could have done. As I type this, I'm beginning to tear up. It's the realization that this kid that I had known since he was a baby is no more. He is gone. There will be no more communicating with him. There will be no more worrying about him. This feeling of sadness, I lean on to Jesus because it is not mine but His. He can carry us through. I repent of everything. It is done.